Bear with me this post is kinda a ramble and I am thinking out loud and maybe coming to a conclusion.
All my life I have been ordinary, I made sure I was. When I was a little kid, I was super shy and often got teased about it. So I did everything I could to just be kinda in the middle. I spoke up when it was necessary but never really spoke my mind. I was in the middle of grades as well, not failing, but nothing special. I think over time that I got used to being mediocre and it just became the way I was.
It is pretty easy being this way, although as I have gotten older I am more outspoken, although there is many a time when I want to say something and I just don't cause I don't want to offend anyone or just don't want it made a big deal out of.
So as I was running the other day it gives me lots of time to think when I run (which I am not doing for a while, figures). I got thinking about what Doug told me the other day about being happy with everything just being OK. Well I didn't like it when he told me that then and I don't like it now. Funny how he knows something I have done my whole life without me ever telling him (or anyone else). I thought I was pretty good at hiding it, but now it makes me wonder who else figured it out right away.
But where this post was headed was I got thinking maybe I am not cut out to be a cutter, I like to ride with friends, I like to practice, but golly I sure do like to show as well. But I need to step up my game and be a winner, not be happy to ride a couple times a week and go to a lesson here and there, but really get in the game. We were noticing how Doug is super intense when he is showing, the rest of the time he looks like its fun, but it is serious when he needs it to be. I need to learn that, but am not sure how to go about wanting more perfect.
So I will start with my horses at home, when I ask something I generally get the right response, but not always as quick as I want and often times let it go. But I am gonna try and be more direct about what I want and see how that works. I will also try to do that with friends (and hubby) and say what I think rather than just always going along with it. It will be hard for me, but I think (I am new to this so I don't know) if I want it in one area of my life it will have to be like that for everything. I know I will make mistakes but I am gonna improve.
Who knew all this could come from one comment at a lesson and then an article on starting to run. Hope this makes sense, cause its kinda a mumble jumble to me right now, but I figure if I got the horse and I do, all I need is the skill and the mindset to win. And working on the skill, so just gotta think I am a winner. And I heard that before, but sometimes it takes me a while to believe it cause I am kinda skeptical too.
7 comments:
Bravo! Change is a really hard thing - and it must be in the air, because last night I was doing the exact same thing, mulling over my inadequacies and determining to make some positive changes- starting today, lol!
Here is a link to a website you may find particularly helpful,
http://barbraschulte.com/
This lady is a cutter, and very motivational.
Good post! Change is as good as a rest! I too mull over what I`m doing, and what I think I should or shouldnt be doing, always looking to improve.
Go for it , good for you ! Change can be good for one ! I on the other hand have always been blunt out spoken and to the point tell it like it is kind of gal . I have had my moments where I mull but I am the type that doesn't care what others think as long as I know I am doing my best and enjoying what I am doing !
Good for you - sometimes I find that my big "I need to change" moments come with the changing seasons. I was having similar thoughts the other day as I skipped out on some of my classes to just sleep - what is life spent being idle? Might as well get out there, go out on a limb and see where it gets you right?
good luck with everything - can't wait to see what the result is with you and Jessie in the arena, I bet you guys end up smoking the competition! ;)
I have had to do a lot of soul searching and working on my attitude about competing as well. Every since I was a teenager, just learning how to ride colts, I wanted to be a 'horse trainer'. I have spent the majority of my equine career thinking of myself as a 'trainer'.
Sure, I trained some nice horses that started to win...but then I would sell them and start on something else. I told myself that I sold those horses because I had done MY job and now it was time for a 'real' competitor to go on with them. In my heart, I really did want to ride a winning horse and become a competitor...but I had convinced myself that I was good at what I did and that was good enough.
Well...along comes Moon and I did not raise him to sell. I've turned down some magnificent offers for him and thankfully he's such an a**hole that I was worried that someone else might be mean to him because of it...so I never sold him.
I have had to completely change my mentality to keep up with Moon. More than anything...THAT has been the struggle. *I* have struggled to change MY attitude of just being a trainer...to being a real competitor.
Being 'in it to win it' instead of just trying to do okay does take an entirely different mindset..and it takes awhile to build into that. I have made a lot of mistakes along the way and still don't have it perfected...but that's kind of become part of the fun.
BTW...It took my husband making a rather cutting remark to get me to let go of a lot of my inhibitions and start to go for it too. So I guess sometimes all it takes to get the mindset to kick in is someone saying something that is brutally honest. Maybe a little hurtful at the time...but if what we say we want really is what we want...it has a way of kicking us up the ladder. Right?
I think Oprah calls that and "aha moment" Go get 'em girl , you can do whatever you set your mind to ! Of that I am very sure
I have never thought you were mediocre but bright and kind , ambitious, adventurous. It seems to me that what we need to do to get what we want is decide exactly what that is. Once we do, decide what it is we really really want (and , by the way, what we are willing to give up to get it because there are always some sacrifices necessary along the way) then all heaven conspires to help us get it ( or maybe all hell if it's a bad thing, hmmm, I wonder). I have never really had a hard time being assertive and can attest that often people don't like it even when you try to do it nicely. Lots of times what you will want and what they will want is different. So just a caution about how people will react. You'll know who your real friends are because if it's what you want to make you happy that's what they will want for you too.
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