So this is hard for me to do but since I rarely back down from challenging stuff here I go.
On Facebook going around is a list of things that people dont know about you. I have not been asked to do it which is good cause I dunno if I want it all out there but it got me thinking and so you guys will have to suffer through it.
1. I love my community and the lifestyle and the people and while everyone is nice to me I feel like I dont fit in. I have no real friends near me cause I have only been there since 2001 and everyone else already had friends. I have tried and I always feel like an outsider.
2.I feel guilty a lot about not wanting kids. Not that I hate them but have never really wanted them. Sometimes I think I am being selfish but thats how it is. I feel even worse cause I know people who want kids and cant this is hard. And my hubby knew this but I still think he woulda liked some.
3.I have always wanted to ride and cut. Ever since I was little but we grew up poor and I knew it wasnt possible so I never even asked. We couldn't even have a dog so how could I have a horse. I sometimes think I should he happy to just ride and work cows and I love that but when I think of never cutting again I feel a part of me dying so not gonna happen I hope for a long time.
4.I love trains and helicopters. Have only taken a train trip once and never been on a helicopter but I love them like Sheldon from big bang likes trains. ..well almost lol.
5.I am more emotional than I let on. I dont know why I think it is hard to let people see how I'm feeling but its been that way my whole life. I suspect part of it is I was always kinda a little different and didn't wanna let everyone know how much I didnt fit in.
6.I am not good at anything. Everything I do is a challenge. Sometimes I wish I could find something I am just good at. Not that I havent tried, I have so many hobbies I could be busy for hundreds of years but still all are hard for me even when I dont act like they are.
7. I cant jump. Never could. When I was about 2 my mom caught me standing on a little golden book (about 1/4 inch off the floor) and saying yump yump and trying to jump off it. At least I come by it honestly when I say I cant jump.
8. I hurt all the time. My hips and down my left leg to my knee always hurt. I can not remember the last time it didnt hurt. Except when I ride I dont notice it. Unless its more than 4 hours then it aches but not otherwise. It does hurt after I ride though. And I have done pretty much everything I can to fix it and I have found regular chiro and massage help but not a cure. Neither was physio or drugs or the stretches a sports trainer gave me.
9. I love food. Especially sugar. I think I might just die if I could not eat sugar anymore. Even though I know its not what I should eat if I dont I never feel full and am snackin all the time. Specially chocolate and peanut butter, makes my mouth water just thinkin about it. But I dont really like to eat baking. Cookies are OK but cake naw.
10. I hate housework. Both cooking and cleaning. But worst of all is vaccuming. Dont know why but I think it's the noise that irritates me. Its a good thing I like to eat or I probly would never cook.
Not sure that's all but thats all for now. And still second guessing posting this but I am gonna hit publish so I wont think on it any more. Sounds like I need a therapist. And probly do. I think most people do at some point in life they just wont admit it. And I wont either for now.