Bear with me this post is kinda a ramble and I am thinking out loud and maybe coming to a conclusion.
All my life I have been ordinary, I made sure I was. When I was a little kid, I was super shy and often got teased about it. So I did everything I could to just be kinda in the middle. I spoke up when it was necessary but never really spoke my mind. I was in the middle of grades as well, not failing, but nothing special. I think over time that I got used to being mediocre and it just became the way I was.
It is pretty easy being this way, although as I have gotten older I am more outspoken, although there is many a time when I want to say something and I just don't cause I don't want to offend anyone or just don't want it made a big deal out of.
So as I was running the other day it gives me lots of time to think when I run (which I am not doing for a while, figures). I got thinking about what Doug told me the other day about being happy with everything just being OK. Well I didn't like it when he told me that then and I don't like it now. Funny how he knows something I have done my whole life without me ever telling him (or anyone else). I thought I was pretty good at hiding it, but now it makes me wonder who else figured it out right away.
But where this post was headed was I got thinking maybe I am not cut out to be a cutter, I like to ride with friends, I like to practice, but golly I sure do like to show as well. But I need to step up my game and be a winner, not be happy to ride a couple times a week and go to a lesson here and there, but really get in the game. We were noticing how Doug is super intense when he is showing, the rest of the time he looks like its fun, but it is serious when he needs it to be. I need to learn that, but am not sure how to go about wanting more perfect.
So I will start with my horses at home, when I ask something I generally get the right response, but not always as quick as I want and often times let it go. But I am gonna try and be more direct about what I want and see how that works. I will also try to do that with friends (and hubby) and say what I think rather than just always going along with it. It will be hard for me, but I think (I am new to this so I don't know) if I want it in one area of my life it will have to be like that for everything. I know I will make mistakes but I am gonna improve.
Who knew all this could come from one comment at a lesson and then an article on starting to run. Hope this makes sense, cause its kinda a mumble jumble to me right now, but I figure if I got the horse and I do, all I need is the skill and the mindset to win. And working on the skill, so just gotta think I am a winner. And I heard that before, but sometimes it takes me a while to believe it cause I am kinda skeptical too.